Soul Ticks

January 9, 2015 § Leave a comment


It’s interesting, the things you notice about people you don’t interact with often. You know, like someone you have to email every so often who always ALWAYS mentions how much work they’ve been doing.

What is that? They probably don’t say it to people they talk to every day, because they’d notice they were doing it.

There’s just something about few-strings communication with someone who’s practically a stranger. You don’t take much care over your response to them, but you have to say SOMETHING personal because you’ve talked before. That THING that you think of is probably the same thing every time, with every person who holds the same position in your life.

As a socially inept human, I have this with people I know well, too. I don’t see anyone very frequently, so the same things keep wriggling free of my panicking brain over and over for a certain period of time.

For a while, it was how thin I was. I lost some weight (not like LOADS, just some) and I had to mention it to every person I saw who I hadn’t been around too much recently.

Obviously, I know this is wrong. You don’t do that. Who does that? You wait for THEM to say it, or it goes unmentioned. You don’t desperately shout it in their face.

It’s not even that I needed everyone to know – just that some hidden part of my subconscious was happily petting it at the time, and while I was scrabbling for something to say, it surfaced. A lot.

I think the stuff we blurt out in awkward silences says a lot about who we are. (Soul ticks, I’m going to call them, because it sounds nice and that’s my job.) Being an amazing conversationalist is quite an art, and probably a lost one at that. Reserved for well-paid call girls and society types.

So we all say things we wish we hadn’t, in a world that spends its time drafting and reviewing and deleting thoughts until they’re perfect. The one last form of communication that we can’t get just right before splutting it out into the universe.

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